Strain

Everyone is feeling it right now. Strain at work, at home, at school. We are pushing ourselves hard, and it is not easy. We are able to keep up with the pressure, most of the time, by envisioning that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. That sense that we are approaching our destination; accomplishing a goal.

How do we make each day feel like an accomplishment? That is the key to making sure you can be happy and content each night when you go to sleep, and refreshed each morning when you wake up. I am hoping to keep enough focus this year to accomplish all of my academic goals, without becoming ill from the stress, without letting the stress undermine my progress, and without losing sight through each quiz, each exam, each week, that I am approaching my end goal of my degree. My desire to get that degree is not just a matter of pursuing higher education, nor just a matter of making more money, but they are necessary components of building a life of independence. A life where I am able to take time to spend with my daughter and give her the gift of time with her mother. And, yes, money to do the things that I know she loves and bring her joy, dancing, singing, and being a creative spirit.

I am starting to organize in the next 3 days for a 2-year-long journey. That is my reminder, my focus, my dedication. That I will reach that goal no matter what!

Patience

I am not the most patient person in the world. Probably the opposite. I try to improve a little more each day. I find that having a very intelligent, very outspoken, and very creative child have given more "opportunities" to try being more patient. Some days it works, some days not so much.

I am a fortunate parent. My daughter is able to express herself so clearly, and is so self-aware. She was utterly exhausted after a day at the county fair. She took rides in the stroller when the walking was too long. She drank lots of water and lemonade to keep cool. She rode many rides to have fun, and even tossed a few ping-pong balls to win a couple of goldfish. But, at the end of the day, breaks or not, it was too much. She said, "I miss my doggies, and I want to go home now." We started for the exits, which is in and of itself a trek. I took a brief detour for a fresh mango, which I thought would perk her up. Never found the mango, but the poor tired girl just collapsed on the sidewalk in front of her auntie and couldn't hold back the tears, and was overcome.

I scooped her up and we started for the car. On the way home, she kept crying that she wanted me to carry her. Being in the car and moving, of course I told her she had to stay in her carseat to be safe. She was very upset, and I told her it was OK to be upset, mad, and even to cry as loudly as she needed to cry. She wailed most of the way home, and I carried her immediately to her bed in her very cool room. She seemed likely to fall asleep within seconds. I headed upstairs to grab something to drink and drop off all the gear we were hauling around. She started calling from downstairs, and I heard her coming up the stairs but couldn't make out what she was saying. Finally, I reached her and, "I said I'm gonna puke!" She was dutifully walking upstairs to tell me, instead of going to her bathroom downstairs. She needed mommy.

As I swept her into the bathtub and let her relax, get rinsed off, and cooled her down, I realized how amazingly fortunate I really am in this life. I have the smartest and funniest young companion. She always tells me what is going on in her head, her heart, her tummy. She still needs mommy when she feels sick. I will miss this someday. And yes, even the puke. It will all be missed to the point of tears, I promise you.

And, so, I learn more patience every day that I am still walking, running, shuffling along. I am grateful for that. That and so much more.